Part 2: Four diamonds in the rough
Robyn McKenzie
Enter in next. Robyn. Robyn seemed like a lovely girl on first impression. She had walked into my office with such a brilliant smile, one that masked her sadness so well. My initial thoughts about her were that she was a quiet one, one that was difficult to communicate with. I was very wrong. If anything I found her the easiest to communicate with, although she wouldn’t agree.
She always seemed to be worried whether I understood what she had said or if it made sense. Asking, “Does that make sense?” as a sub-clause, to almost everything she ever said. I'm exaggerating slightly, but though she didn't come across as totally sure of herself, there was something about the way she spoke about things. As though she had spent time going over things in her mind and cross referencing with other factors about the things she had seen and therefore learnt about herself and the others...
“Hello, Robyn. How are you?”
“Okay I guess.” She replied with a slight smile. I could tell that was her effort to be friendly, although she came across highly troubled about her recent experience.
“Any emotion you feel in this office is okay to be expressed. I want you to know that if you feel like crying you can and if you feel like being angry - that too is fine, as long as that anger is not expressed physically!” I joked. But her girly giggle told me that, not only did that help make her feel more comfortable but also that I wouldn’t have to worry too much about her becoming violent, on the contrary, her tears were my biggest concern.
“We can start with you telling me about that night or we can start with your relationship with him. It’s totally up to you.” I told her, careful to space my words as I could see from her blank expression that she wasn’t totally in the room. I was intrigued to know what flashback had grabbed her, or what was occupying her attention but I didn't have to wait too long to find out.
“I think I loved him. No. I know that I did.”
I knew who she was talking about but I needed to clarify, just in case it wasn’t who I thought she was talking about.
“Are we talking about him?”
“Yes.” She said looking at me dead in the eye.
Cyan Imogen Brown
Cyan startled me when she first entered into my office. She came in with a flood of tears. In no way was she crying silently either. It was as though the event had just happened as opposed to the actual week ago it had been.
As she sat down I handed her a box of tissues. Taking one, she blew into it furiously. I sat still watching her wondering if it was too soon for her to be talking about what had happened, but I was wrong. As soon as she got herself together, which didn't take long, it was as though she had put on a whole new persona.
“Okay, I’m ready! Apologies for my emotions, I’m really trying to keep it together but it’s so difficult he meant so much to me you know, like I can’t actually believe what’s happened. Today he was meant to be following me to the studio so I could work on my new song, and now obviously that can’t happen!”
And her emotions took hold of her once again. I took this opportunity to ask a question as I could see quite clearly it was going to be difficult for me to be able to get a word in edgeways; she was a talker!
“You say he meant so much to you. Tell me a bit about your relationship with him.” I said softly. I wondered if I should have used ‘briefly’ in my sentence but thought it would probably be ignored anyway.
“Yeah he did. No one will get our relationship. He was life! He was like a brother to me...well nah, that’s weird. But that’s how it started. I met him through China – that’s my girl from school. She’s my ‘ride or die’. They were together and so we got close through her. We were like a trio. But he and I sort of clicked. I don’t know any other way to put it. Like, he was into music as I was. He was a producer and I wanted to sing so he’d tell me to come to the studio where he used to work and we’d just mess around with a couple beats and just buss joke. Like, he got my humour. We would sit together for hours and just laugh. And yeah I found him attractive, how could you not find him attractive? I know that’s why China stayed with him for so long. He was the sexiest guy we knew. Everyone wanted him. But I know why he went for China, she’s pretty, I know. But they didn’t click like we did. I think that’s why...”
Eventually she stopped, well hesitated. I could tell that she was about to say something quite important but had remembered herself and how much she was sharing. Although I was relieved she had paused - thankful for the brief silence - I desperately wanted her to continue her point.
“Everything you say here stays here. I just want you to remember that Cyan. And you are not obliged to share anything you don’t want to,” I said that but I really wanted her to be as open as she had been. She looked at me, smiled her lovely smile and continued.
“I think that’s why we started messing around together.” She looked at me to see my reaction.
But I was trained for this. Give nothing away in your expression; constant poker face.
“Yeah we acted on our attraction towards one another.”
“Did China know?” I asked, treading carefully.
“Nah,” She laughed, “Not that she would have cared anyway. I think that was part of the fun. Having something you know you shouldn’t have. It was spontaneous, it wasn’t planned. He dropped me home after we had spent all night in the studio and I just thought, life is too short, and kissed him. He kissed me back and it started from there. We both knew what it was. I wasn’t stupid. Whenever I wanted him, I got him and it was made easy the fact that we both had an excuse to be together. China never suspected anything. She thought we just did music together. She had no idea the type of music we were literally making!”
She laughed at her own dry pun, slapping her thigh and leaning back in her chair to get more comfortable. Not that she could really sit still. She had been moving around in some kind of capacity while she had been telling her story.
“So what I’m hearing is that you and he had a sexual relationship or an ‘arrangement’ outside of the relationship he had with China, that China knew nothing about?”
“Yes, we were...how would I put it? I don’t like the term ‘F*ck buddies’.”
“Friends with benefits?” I tried.
“Yeah, I like that. You could say that’s what we were. I remember this one time...”
I listened to her tell yet another story of one of their many rendezvous together, whilst thinking about how emotionally volatile she was. Crying one minute at a sad memory and then weeping tears of laughter at a memory she enjoyed with him. I don’t know how accurate any of the details were in her stories but they were indeed colourful!
Phoebe Roberts
Phoebe was different. It was quite clear in our first conversation that she wasn’t a part of China and Cyan’s world. In fact I don’t even think she knew of them which I found incredibly strange. I decided against telling her about his ‘other’ life. I wanted to get as much out of her as possible and didn’t want anything I tell her to affect anything she was willing to tell me. I asked her a bit about herself.
“I’m 21, I work as an administrator in a GP practice, erm...I don’t know, what else you want to know?”
I was focusing on her body language as she was talking. She had made herself right at home. If she leant back anymore on the chair she’d be lying down! She looked as snug as a bug sitting there, as though she’d been there for ages. So comfortable and at brilliant ease. She made me feel calm just looking at her. However, it was hard to get things out of her. She didn’t talk much, it was difficult to get her motivated to talk about the events and how she was feeling about all that happened.
“So what was your relationship to him?”
“We were seeing each other.” She said without much emotion. I was curious as to how this relationship worked on account of how many relationships he clearly had on the go.
China, I know was probably the person he saw the least. She made it seem as though she had no real time for him and that they only saw one another when she was free, or he had invited her somewhere which wasn’t often. Cyan, on the other hand, made it seem like they were together all the time. Had she been exaggerating? More than likely, but still, it was odd that neither of the girls suspected him to be seeing anyone else more than what they did know. I decided not to ask any questions about it just in case.
“So tell me a bit about your relationship - when did you see him? Spend time with him? Tell me a bit about how he treated you, etc.”
“Erm,” She began, blowing out air as though what I was had asked of her was a major task that would take so much energy.
“We spoke mostly on the phone when he had time. He was usually busy at the studio so he came to see me when he could. I had no problems with that. I knew he wasn’t lying. I always heard his music in the background when he would call to check on me. He was a busy guy. I liked that. He wasn’t jobless like half of these guys these days. I had to respect his hustle. Plus I’m not really that kind of girl who needs to see you all the time or really stresses him to spend time with me. I was cool with seeing him as and when. He told me that I was his peace. I liked that.”
“How did you two meet?”
“I was out one day and he approached me and asked for my number. He was good looking, I was single and so I gave it to him. We started talking from that day on.”
“How long ago was this?”
“3 years ago now.”
“How did you feel about him?”
“I loved him. He was my everything.”
“Did anyone know about him?”
“I didn’t tell my family at first about him. Especially my brother, he’s quite overprotective of me even though he’s like a year older than me. I’m not really someone who announces their business either, but I just wanted to keep it to myself anyway.”
I took her answer for a ‘no’.
Robyn McKenzie
I’d be honest. I’m biased. Robyn was my favourite one of the girls to speak to. She gave me as much information as I needed and her relationship with ‘him’ was such that I got a wide perspective on his life. Still, I could see she was holding something back. She was his best friend or ‘bestie’, as she called it. They were apparently very close but there was something about this closeness that she wasn’t happy with...
“We went school together. I was the one he’d copy from in class. He got straight A’s because of me. But I don’t know. I don’t think I was his type or something. I was okay with that, at first. There were so many girls who liked him but he didn’t give the time of day to so I suppose back then, being his best friend was better than nothing.”
“So I assume, you being his best friend meant that he confided in you about all of his relationships?” I asked trying not to be too presumptuous but she could tell from my facial expression that I knew what she also knew.
She looked down at her feet and I could see her thinking how to put it.
“Who is ‘them’?” I asked for clarity, just in case she wasn’t aware of as many of the girls as I was; which of course was silly to think, if anything she’d know more.
““China, Cyan and another one, he never told me her name, said I didn’t need to know. He’d still tell me about her though. Not that there was ever much to tell. From what he told me she sounded boring, I don’t even know why he was messing with her really.”
I wanted to say it was because she was his ‘peace’ but decided against it. The way she was talking sounded like she wouldn’t have reacted well to that comment anyway.
She was coming across in a highly emotional way, however, I couldn’t place what type of emotion she was expressing. I listened as she continued to give me her break-down of all three of the girls.
“...So yeah I didn’t care to know much about that one. She was irrelevant to me to be honest. I was more concerned with China and Cyan.” Her brows fused together as she said their names.
Then it hit me. What that emotion was in her voice. Envy.
She had feelings for him and envied these girls. I didn’t say anything as I felt a vent coming on and I knew she was about to release a critique of both females.
I was tempted to cut in here and ask why it was, she thought, he was cheating on her. But I was too into her take on each of the girls and so didn’t want to stop her flow.
“...Cyan. Pfff. Her ‘friend’ you know. He begged me to keep that quiet; which I did. But it burned me everytime he spoke about her, like they were best friends. I hated that. More than I hated the way China used to treat him. He was MY best friend but it was like they had more ‘sexual chemistry’ or something. I guess that’s what he meant, but I think to her, he was her ‘bestie’.” She said rolling her eyes.
Robyn sighed. I could tell getting it out of her system was helping her somewhat and I found it incredibly fascinating. How I wished I could speak to him myself and hear first-hand how he managed all four girls and how he regarded each one! Robyn was doing a good job of analysing, but how much did she really know? I mean she barely knew much about Phoebe, but how much was she actually letting on?
I hadn’t thought about it before but I began to wonder if any of the girls had anything to hide. I was certain that at least one of these girls had some part to play in his death, but who and how?...